I am Larissa Garzonio, 25 years old and I had Hodgkin lymphoma.
It all started with my left eye, which I could no longer open completely. Without any bad thoughts, I went to the emergency room, where I had to do an eye test, which went smoothly. Then they wanted to do a CT scan of my skull to rule out internal bleeding.
The doctor suspected Horner's syndrome (the nerve of the eye is weakened) and sent me home. I would be informed of the exact details when he knew more.
The next day I was called for another CT scan, this time of my lungs. This confused me a lot, what did this have to do with my eye? But the nurses couldn't help me either, as they were only supposed to do their job.
A few minutes later I received a call and was called to the hospital for a meeting.
Back at the hospital, I was immediately informed that I had a tumor behind my breastbone that needed treatment. It was pressing on the nerve of my eye, so I couldn't pull my song up. I had tears in my eyes and tried to calm myself down, but all I could think of was this word: TUMOR.
Then everything happened very quickly. Two days later I had to go to the hospital to find out more. A PET-CT was performed, followed by a CT-guided biopsy, which unfortunately did not produce any clear results.
That's why I had to undergo another operation.
After talking to an assistant doctor, I decided to have my eggs removed because I didn't want this illness to take away my desire to have children. Up until then, I already knew that I would have to undergo chemotherapy, I just didn't know why.
I got an appointment with a gynecologist, we discussed the procedure and one day later I started hormone therapy.
After about 4 weeks of uncertainty, I finally got the definitive diagnosis: I have Hodgkin's lymphoma, lymph gland cancer. I was very calm during the conversation with the doctor, but when I left the room, I couldn't hold back my tears. After that, I went to work; I needed to distract myself, because at home I would have gone crazy.
Before my first chemotherapy, I went to Kopfrausch because I wanted to be prepared if I lost my hair.
I had my sister and my mother with me. When I was standing in front of the shop, I could have cried, but I held it back. Then Katrin Kreuels came and greeted us without a headscarf. She apologized for it, but it gave me courage because she had such a great charisma. I was so close to tears again, but I didn't want to cry because I knew that if I did, my sister and my mother would cry too, and I wouldn't have been able to bear that.
Then the time had come, a week in hospital and the first chemo was scheduled. I was so nervous because I couldn't imagine how my body would react to the chemo, would I get sick? How would my body feel? When would my hair fall out?
The first chemo went well, not what I had imagined. I had no appetite and was often nauseous, but I didn't throw up.
After about two weeks I noticed that I was losing more and more hair. Every time I touched my hair I had a clump in my hand.
I was so scared that it would happen so quickly, so I asked my sister to come over and comb my hair after I took a shower. She combed and combed and it didn't stop, so I decided to have my hair shaved off. This feeling was unbearable. The next day I went to the hairdresser, my sister and my friend accompanied me, I couldn't have done this alone.
When she put the razor on, I knew that my old life was over and something new was beginning. I cried, but afterwards I felt much better, I felt liberated, liberated from the fear and uncertainty of what I would look like and how it would feel without hair. For me, losing my hair was the high point of chemotherapy, which was now over. Because now everyone would see that I was sick.
I was lucky, the chemo worked well, so it was clear that I would only have to undergo 12 weeks of chemotherapy. This was very pleasing, but I became increasingly unstable mentally.
I found it difficult to accept that my body was weakened. There were days when I could hardly walk up the stairs. I forced myself up, but I cried out of anger. How could it be that I was suddenly so physically weak?
After the second cycle, my body became weaker and weaker, I kept getting blood transfusions, and at times I had to go to the hospital every two days for check-ups. At home, I couldn't do anything except rest. Unfortunately, there were more and more side effects, inflammation in my mouth so that I could only eat soup and yoghurt, heartburn and more.
During this time I didn't feel well and I often lay in bed at night and cried.
I started writing down things I was looking forward to after chemo. I wrote down everything that came to mind because the list was going to be long.
When the last cycle was over and my body slowly recovered, I had new energy again. Now I was looking forward to everything that was to come. To support this, I started medical training therapy. This helped me a lot to build up my strength again.
What I was most happy about was being able to go back to work. It gave me a purpose again and gave me direction.
After the chemo, a lot of things quickly went back to normal for me, but the process of processing things is only just beginning.
Sincerely, your Larissa
